I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
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