I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
