I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
