I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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