i'm signing you up for texting rehab
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
...so i touched it.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
