I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
