onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
