He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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