I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
