so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
false alarm, still single
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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