Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
