I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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