I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
