This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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