Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
