I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
