I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
