I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
