I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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