gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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