R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize