Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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