Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm always down for nudity.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
