I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
