forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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