i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
