Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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