He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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