i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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