Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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