she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
