just tell him i said nine months
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
