i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
