Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
