I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
