nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The convent might be a nice break from real life
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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