The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
