i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
