The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
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