You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
