She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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