I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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