I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
