Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
