He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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