Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
