the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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