Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
