Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
