I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
