worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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