Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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