what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
