Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
