he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
