we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
